by Ingrid Bauer
There are as many different ways of approaching parenting as there arecultures. However, in cultures where mothers are still parenting in the same gentle ways they have forgenerations, the similarities are also striking. Nurturing practices such as natural weaning ("extendednursing"), co-sleeping, carrying the baby in close physical contact, responding promptly to cries ordistress, and never leaving a baby alone, are all virtually universal in traditional societies that have notbecome overly "westernized". In the majority of non-industrialized cultures, mothers also know howto tune into their babies' elimination needs, and how to keep them clean and dry without diapers.
Since I discovered this, I've had to re-examine everything I ever believed about toilet learning. My son,like millions of babies around the globe, experienced no difficulty in developing awareness and control of hisbody functions from infancy. We've been communicating about it since his birth and he has been out of diaperssince he was four months old. The consequences have been very positive: a strengthened trust, an intimatebond, and a child who is conscious and comfortable in his own body.
What I learned, and came to call "natural infant hygiene", may seem new, unusual, andrevolutionary in our culture. Yet throughout human existence, parents have cared for their babies hygienicallywithout diapers. This natural practice is common in Asia, Africa, and parts of South America, and wastraditionally practiced among the Inuit and some Native North American peoples. For these mothers, knowingwhen their baby "needs to go," and holding them over an appropriate place, is (or was) secondnature.
There is a small but steadily growing resurgence of interest in this practice among North American andEuropean parents today. Parents are drawn to it for the baby's physical comfort, because "it'snatural", to avoid diaper rash and digestive problems, to support the baby's body awareness, forenvironmental reasons, to prevent diapering and toilet training struggles, and to reduce diaper use.
The greatest reason and benefit, however, is that parents feel they are responding to their baby's needs inthe present moment, enhancing their bond, and developing a deeper communication and trust. Natural infanthygiene provides yet another opportunity to understand and grow closer to our babies.
How Does It Work?
When the mother knows or feels that her baby needs to go, she can remove the diaper or clothing and holdthe baby in a secure, close position over an appropriate receptacle. There are several facets to communicatingwith a pre-verbal baby about elimination. They are:
Timing and elimination patterns
Watching closely, the mother learns when the baby usually goes and how this relates to other bodilyfunctions, such as sleeping or nursing. For example, many babies pee as soon as they awaken, and at regularintervals after nursing.
Baby's signals and body language
Once they begin watching for it, many parents are amazed to notice that their babies are actually signalingwhen they need to go, just as a nursing mother learns to recognize her baby's need to nurse before s/he cries.Though every baby is different, some common signals include: fussing, squirming, grunting or vocalizing,pausing and becoming still, waking from sleep, a certain frown, etc.
Intuition
Many mothers who have a close nurturing relationship with their babies find they simply "know"when their babies need to relieve themselves, especially once they've been using this approach for a while.For example, I could "feel" this need even when I had my back turned to my child.
Cueing the baby
Natural infant hygiene is a two-way communication. Around the world, parents may use a specific sound (suchas "shhh" or "sss") and a specific position to hold their baby when they eliminate. Thisserves as a kind of preliminary language that the baby comes to associate with the act, and a way for theparents to offer an opportunity to go. However, it is always the baby who decides whether they need to go ornot. Sometimes the baby also begins to use this sound as a signal to the parent.
When parents first hear about this practice, they may wonder if this means forcing or rushing a child togrow up before they are ready. This is a valid concern, but one that is easily allayed when you've seen thisgentle approach in action. Unlike conventional toilet training, the focus in natural infant hygiene is not onthe baby contracting and retaining or "holding in" body functions. Rather, the baby communicates aneed and relaxes and releases at will with the parent's support. The ability to retain develops at the baby'space, as a natural consequence of his or her awareness. Millions of mothers worldwide can attest to the factthat babies can voluntarily regulate their elimination without any coercion or negative effects whatsoever. Infact, parents often feel an increased closeness and respect for their baby.
Tuning in to your baby in this way does require commitment and effort, as does being a responsive parent ingeneral. Most parents prefer to use diapers, at least part-time, during the early learning process, onoutings, and sometimes at night if they don't waken in time to respond to their baby's need to go. Mostchildren become reliably toilet-independent with this practice between about 10 to 20 months of age. Yet manyof the parents I've interviewed say they would choose this approach again, even if it were to take just aslong as conventional training, because they value the closeness and communication.
I think the real work of natural infant hygiene is that of being in the present moment. There aredays when it can seem like the most difficult thing in the world to do. And there are days when you haveglimpses of enlightenment: the feeling of being in the present moment, being in the flow, having that peacefulexperience of synchronicity and symbiotic relationship that can develop between mother and child when they arein tune.
Another Opportunity for Gentle Nurturing
Babies are not the passive beings they were once believed to be. They are absorbing and processing newstimuli and sensory information moment by moment. They are also signaling in both subtle and not so subtleways throughout the day, trying to communicate to their caregivers exactly what they need, and when.
Natural infant hygiene opens another avenue for parents to tune in and respond to their baby's needs. Thisopportunity for strengthening the intimate parent-child relationship relies on practical tools designed bynature to work. Yet, this approach offers much more than just another parenting "technique" fordealing with a baby's elimination. Ideally, it is fundamentally a way ofbeing with a baby. This way ofbeing focuses on relationship and communication: natural infant hygiene is seen as part of a lifestyle, ratherthan a chore.
Parents who follow nature's plan for infant care have a distinct advantage in responding to a baby's needsfully. Babies who are breastfed and have frequent or constant contact with their mother's bodies feelsatisfied, secure, and content. In turn, this strengthens the parent's confidence, pleasure, andresponsiveness. Studies have shown that these infants are more likely to have their subtle signals heeded, andcry less. Even when these babies cry, they do so in the loving arms of a parent who is doing their utmost tounderstand and help.
"Jean MacKellar told me of her years inUganda, where her husband practiced medicine. Local mothers brought their infants to see the doctor,often standing patiently in line for hours. The women carried the tiny infants in a sling, next to theirbare breasts. Older infants were carried on the back, papoose style. The infants were never swaddled,nor were diapers used. Yet none of them were soiled when finally examined by the doctor. Puzzled bythis, Jean finally asked some of the women how they managed to keep their babies so clean withoutdiapers and such. "Oh," the women answered, "we just go to the bushes." Well, Jeancountered, how did they know when the infant needed to go to the bushes? The women were astonished ather question. "How do you know when you have to go?" they exclaimed."
Excerpted from Joseph Chilton Pearce,Magical Child,page 58.
Ingrid Bauer is the author of the bookDiaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom ofNatural Infant Hygiene, and many articles on parenting and natural living.
Copyright © 2001 Ingrid Bauer
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